ok, so saturday were callbacks for Stop Kiss (one of the plays next semester). A bunch of us are sitting around, nervously discussing and wishing they would just put up the cast list. Either way, whether I get cast or not, I just wanna know! Of course I reallly would like to be cast, I fell in love with the play, one character in particular, but if it doesn’t happen I’d like to know, so I can start getting over it….. Anyhow,… I really like this play. If I’m not cast I really want to do something on it maybe (assistant)stage- managing? I would love to work with the director, she seems like a very cool lady with good ideas… besides I’ve never worked with a female director… well, off to do some more work, to become even more overwhelmed with the stress of this semester. Almost over…
April 2006
April 19, 2006
did something bad today
We had a class today and the professor wasn’t there. We were supposed to do an exercise without him. I started to but then I got upset and sat out. I was partially angry and partially anxious. Two people were still missing and I thought it would be better to wait so the group wouldn’t be interrupted when they did come. Some person decided no and so we started. But then, even though a few of us had said this particular exercise was going too fast, the group was speeding through. Why was everyone in such a hurry? We had the whole period to do it and then work on a project. I understand the concept of “too bad” if you’re late, but this was a group thing. You can’t start rehearsal that requires everyone if people are missing either. Unless there’s an understudy or something… at our level though, unfortunately I feel need to get off their friggin high horses and try to do this together.
Everyone has a certain edginess to them right now. End of the semster stress, it’s understandable but annoying.
Gotta go to rehearsal now. Then to another rehearsal after that. This week are auditions for Stop Kiss. I am excited. I did a bad job last time I auditioned for her, I want to do better this time.
April 18, 2006
catching the worm
The early bird actually stayed up late to come back to school and wait until it turns midnight to register for classes on the 19th. It’s surprising so many people are actually here at the library. It was hard to find a computer. I guess either more than one person has my idea or everyone is trying to finish final papers and projects.
God, what an incredibly long day it’s been… I actually had a chance at one point to go home and take a nap and make dinner but that was unfortunately to the wonderful background “music” of fighting neighbours (which errupted into domestic violence last week). I live off-campus in an apartment because I wanted more peace and quiet than I thought I would get dorming, but recently this young couple moved in above me. They too are students but somehow I think they didn’t realize living with someone is not like playing house. The amount of drugs they consume probably doesn’t help either. Not to forget the pitbull they just got that routinely leaves presents at the bottom of the stairs.
Aww… a friend of mine is doing tech work for the upcoming dance concert and he just wrote me a text message to see if I’m alright. I wrote him earlier when they were being extremely loud because their violence really scares me. There’s a certain level where my tolerance for messed up people ceases and I feel the urge to save the world. Or at least not let it destroy me.
Oooh, I’m so excited. I got comp tickets to go see a show downtown opening night. I am already thinking about what to wear. Oh, I am such a girl sometimes! People who know me from school are surprised I clean up so well. Most of the time I’m wearing very,very casual clothes…. but when it’s time to go out, watch out! And I have so much fun, looking pretty, talking to friends I’ve done shows with but haven’t seen in a while or meeting new people with new ideas, new stories and maybe new connections!
Life is busy but exciting right now. A friend of mine jokingly said “get a life” to me the other day and my reply was: My life is full. It made me smile.
April 17, 2006
artistic dilemma
So, this weekend i started working on a play. I am actually writing it. It’s weird. I have tried before but somehow this weekend I got out most of my ideas. I obviously didn’t finish it or even a rough draft, but I do have an outline or a skeleton of 10 scenes. It’s so exciting. I am in such a weird place now. I don’t want to talk to anyone or do anything but get back to it. Like I am possessed or have some kind of holy-spirit-like thing (hope that’s not sacreligious…?).
The dilemma I am now in is that it is quite personal and if I finish it and try to produce it could I act in it? Could I direct it? Eastwood does it right? Writer/director/actor…. Don’t want to be selfish about it but somehow I think I could play this character the best. It’s me. Well, how about I finish the darn thing first? :) That’s so like me, to jump ahead to things I really don’t need to be thinking about. Off to eat before class, definitely need energy for a movement class! Goodbye whoever might be reading this…
April 13, 2006
no quiet places
Sometimes it gets very difficult to actually get work done around here. Although we do have a computer lab the door should actually say ‘social club’… call me what you like, but especially the end of the semester is a time when people really should respect each other’s need for quiet and time to do work. Unfortunately the theatre department consists of very many people constantly striving to get attention and be funny and weird and loud… AAHH!!
I wonder if college theatre is a meeting place for kids who either didn’t get enough attention during their childhood or those who got too much and can’t stand the fact that real life is different and are constantly trying to get back to that place…. i sound like a (rhymes with witch) but after two years of constant senseless chatter your brain is just overloaded with the obvious psychological issues everyone has. i am definitely not saying i am any better but i do feel like i am one of the few who admits something is wrong with her.
yeah, i know, i have anger issues.
April 07, 2006
keep trodding on
ok, so the semester is coming to an end. this is the part when having so much on my plate starts to nip me in the bud. it is constant “regrouping”, prioritizing, deep breaths, sacrifices, and frustration. yesterday i snapped at someone. usually i am able to keep my cool around here (at least towards other) but yesterday someone said something jokingly at exactly the wrong moment and i did not handle it well.
i have a tendency to break down towards the end of the semester, getting so overwhelmed that every day it becomes a struggle not to quit. although i tell myself, grades don’t really matter, somehow they do. the fact is, it really isn’t hard to get good grades. it doesn’t take that much intelligence. it’s more of a combination of listening, doing what you’re told and discipline. maybe that’s why they are important to me because they are a reflection of how i am doing in those aspects of life.
i am very hard on myself. if i know i can do something if i put my mind to it and then i don’t, due to laziness or distractions, i get extremely mad and disappointed with myself. i spent a big portion of my life being sad and unproducitve. although i can’t get that time back, and i wouldn’t really want to because it has made me who i am, now i do feel a certain responsibility towards myself to not fall back into that and not waste a single moment anymore.
this has actually taken on the other extreme of not being able to slow down, which is probably why my brain is fried half the time, but i guess i need this experience too. some day i will get to the middle. i think i am getting closer.
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