Gotta go to rehearsal now. Then to another rehearsal after that. This week are auditions for Stop Kiss. I am excited. I did a bad job last time I auditioned for her, I want to do better this time.

God, what an incredibly long day it's been... I actually had a chance at one point to go home and take a nap and make dinner but that was unfortunately to the wonderful background "music" of fighting neighbours (which errupted into domestic violence last week). I live off-campus in an apartment because I wanted more peace and quiet than I thought I would get dorming, but recently this young couple moved in above me. They too are students but somehow I think they didn't realize living with someone is not like playing house. The amount of drugs they consume probably doesn't help either. Not to forget the pitbull they just got that routinely leaves presents at the bottom of the stairs.
Aww... a friend of mine is doing tech work for the upcoming dance concert and he just wrote me a text message to see if I'm alright. I wrote him earlier when they were being extremely loud because their violence really scares me. There's a certain level where my tolerance for messed up people ceases and I feel the urge to save the world. Or at least not let it destroy me.

Oooh, I'm so excited. I got comp tickets to go see a show downtown opening night. I am already thinking about what to wear. Oh, I am such a girl sometimes! People who know me from school are surprised I clean up so well. Most of the time I'm wearing very,very casual clothes.... but when it's time to go out, watch out! And I have so much fun, looking pretty, talking to friends I've done shows with but haven't seen in a while or meeting new people with new ideas, new stories and maybe new connections!

Life is busy but exciting right now. A friend of mine jokingly said "get a life" to me the other day and my reply was: My life is full. It made me smile.

i have a tendency to break down towards the end of the semester, getting so overwhelmed that every day it becomes a struggle not to quit. although i tell myself, grades don't really matter, somehow they do. the fact is, it really isn't hard to get good grades. it doesn't take that much intelligence. it's more of a combination of listening, doing what you're told and discipline. maybe that's why they are important to me because they are a reflection of how i am doing in those aspects of life.

i am very hard on myself. if i know i can do something if i put my mind to it and then i don't, due to laziness or distractions, i get extremely mad and disappointed with myself. i spent a big portion of my life being sad and unproducitve. although i can't get that time back, and i wouldn't really want to because it has made me who i am, now i do feel a certain responsibility towards myself to not fall back into that and not waste a single moment anymore.
this has actually taken on the other extreme of not being able to slow down, which is probably why my brain is fried half the time, but i guess i need this experience too. some day i will get to the middle. i think i am getting closer.

Only four more weeks of school... It's so odd, where did the semester go? Looking down the syllabi of various classes it's so refreshing to find out there's only one more test left or only two more projects due...

Although I didn't do any schoolwork during spring break it was beneficial for regaining focus. Something we learn for acting, that applies to every scene we do, is to ask ourselves: What do I want? It's a good reminder in life, too. When I find myself getting carried away with the petty problems of/with silly people at school, I take a step back and ask myself: What do I want? It usually helps. I have big dreams and aspirations and I can't afford to let myself be dragged down by a few people (who I may never see again!)

That's the beauty of life and especially youth: the endless choices and possibilites that are constantly spread out before us. At the same time though it is a scary, at times overwhelming realization too. I can't blame anyone anymore for the things that happen in my life. It's all up to me. I was complaining about school to a friend the other day and he told me I was learning things I won't appreciate till possibly much later in life. I guess that realization of independence and choice is one of them.

Can't wait to have time to do some travelling soon! See some new faces, get some new impressions, get out of my lttile life that has become so narrow!
Watch out world, here I come! :)

Went to a reading/workshop of some new one act plays yesterday. They were written by a guy who I auditioned for a little while back but whose other play I could unfortunately not do. I would like to work with him and at that space though. I really like to do plays off-campus, just to get a different perspective, different energy and also just for the experience.

I have two projects coming up. A guy from Buff State wrote a play that we already performed here but we'll be doing it at a different venue in the "Right to be Heard" Festival downtown at Shea's Smith theatre. We haven't gone into rehearsal again for it yet but they're a fun bunch of people to work with,so I'm looking forward. And tomorrow I have my first readthrough of an upcoming play I have a little part in at Tornspace theatre (also off-campus). I don't know if I'm physically ready to jump into the next projects yet but it's almost like I'm addicted to acting and the whole process.

I worry that I may be spreading myself a little thin, but I'm doing what I love to do. What people who made a difference with their lives got everything they wanted? To have a chance at being the best you can be, sacrifices must be made. My only problem is making sure I am sacrificing the right things. For example: my social life is close to non-exsistent outside of the cast of the particular show I'm working on or the occasional cup of coffee with someone from a former show you want to catch up with. Of course there are shows and events which are always a good way to combine work and pleasure. But I need to choose what's best for the big picture and I feel like I am on the right track!
Off to clean my apartment now....

Ran into a girl who has read my blog (she's visiting the school today, thinking about coming here). She seems very nice. And my little sister posted something from Germany... she works in the costume shop at the State Theatre in Wiesbaden Germany. So that's two people reading this... :) just kidding. I'm always surprised when people tell me they read this- I always forget I am writing this for tons of people to read.

Running to work now...

Not only did the play go by but the semester with it. Not too much time is left to catch up on the work I have been neglecting. I am happy when teachers have a policy that you can throw away one test grade or homework assignment because I can definitely use it in more than one subject. I'm not doing bad but I will be prepared to not have a 3.8 this semester. That's ok. I did a fun show which I got good feedback for and grew as a person and an artist. Who cares about perfect grades when you have that?

Tonight is strike (taking down the set,etc). Although not a "techie" I do enjoy. First off I do love using tools even if I'm not exactly the best with them- I'm still such a tomboy... and secondly it's a good way to say goodbye to the show. I know that sounds corny but when you invest three months of your life so fully to a project and then all of a sudden, you bow and the lights go off it can be tough. It will always be a part of me now. The short run of college shows is so unsatisfying to me. Just when the show is getting good and everyone gets on the same page its over!

I'm going to go grab some pizza, been trying to stay healthy during the show but I can feel my body letting go. I am already feeling a sore throat and stuffy nose and an icredible craving for junk food. I think I will indulge. Take a little break. And then it's back to the game.

things are coming together with the show. crew view was yesterday, some elements were added, more to come all week, the blocking got changed a little and our crew was our first little audience. i'm on the run but trying to be faithful to my little blog.

note on the show: this play is weird for me because i am only in act one so act two is just sitting around, waiting. at least i will have time to do homework once the show starts. hmm, i wonder if that will actually happen. it usually just turns into hanging out, chatting, analyzing my performance (putting myself down...), eating (of course, not in costume) and trying not to gossip... :)
off to get some coffee to make it through work. i guess if caffeine is my only drug and i'm almost a senior, i am doing alright.

I was going to take another Advanced Acting class this semester, but it got moved to next semester because of a TV workshop that is going to become a regular part of it now. TV professionals come and teach it, so I guess it's not in the budget to have it twice a year.

Speaking of workshops... we just got done with our yearly Improv Workshop! Tim Joyce teaches it. He graduated from here and then went on to train at Second City in Chicago, where he still lives and works. He's a playwright,actor and standup comedian.
I took part in the workshop last year and had a blast. This time around it was just as much fun but I was also able to see what improvisational theatre can do to improve your basic acting skills. You really have to listen to your partner, stay super-focused and on your toes. Another thing I really like about it is that you get to be creative and use parts of your brain you can forget about in "normal" acitng.

At the end of the week we had a show. About 30 people showed up. The show, which consisted of spot scenes and different improv games, lasted about an hour and a half. Eight of us performed in it and I think the audience really liked it. We definitely had them laughing a lot. Sometimes the scenes don't turn out to be that good but you learn that that's ok. Tim told us that even professional troupes produce 30-40 % crap on an average night. I have a hard time forgetting mistakes that just happened and just moving on. I tend to analyze and brood over my mistakes, but it really doesn't help any so it's better to just focus on the next scene, otherwise you end up messing that one up too.
Ahhh, lessons for life....