The Diary of Anne Frank has come to a close tonight. As we bowed for our last curtain call and the audience stood, I had to hold back tears. It was our last show. We had two shows today and both had a full house. What can I say about my family, my cast... words cannot possibly describe their dedication, creativity and love for this show. Every show we've done we were all in it to drive the show forward as if we've never told the story before. Each time was for the first time. For instance: The Frank family had a "Frank family goal" set as we stood in place before entering on stage. It helped.

It's so hard right now. Anne is still with me, but I honestly feel like I've been removed from my family. That's how tight we were. Our cast was wonderful. Our director, Drew... well, besides the director I feel like he was a father figure for our cast... our tall, tough-loving Jewish Dad. I learned a lot, that's for damn sure.

My father in the show, Otto Frank, or rather my friend Dan, both agreed that we kinda don't know what to do with ourselves. It will be odd... What the hell are we going to do with all this time on our hands!? Homework? psht! Ha... yeah it's definitely time to play catch up. Only this really breaks it down for me, I see how different life is when I'm involved with a show whether it's tech work or acting. Life is more brilliant and full of energy! Of course it gets tough, but making it through those rough times makes the outcome of the show that much better. This is why I know I need to be involved with theatre, there's always room for progress, the team work, and there's always something else to look forward to.

See, here's my next question for myself and for Drew (I just laughed at myself): "What's next?" Sure thanksgiving is next week, only I don't want to fall out of this high. I won't let myself. I'm already in line to act in a play with Dan (Otto), our stage manager jeanette, and co-blogger Megan, who will direct us. I'll write more about that production later.

Wow. So this show is over with, huh. Crazy. I wish it wasn't. Christ I'm psyched that I get to see my fam tomorrow for strike!

"July 6th, 1942. A few days ago father began to talk about going into hiding. He said it would be very difficult for us to live cut off from the rest of the world. He sounded so serious I felt scared. 'Don't worry Anneke, we'll take care of everything. Just life your carefree life while you can.'

"Carefree..."

after my voice and movement class on wed. my prof. gerry gave me some advise. Since I'm comfortable wtih Anne I have the opportunity to experiment on stage with breath and voice techniques. It isn't every moment that I focus on technique because watching an actor work on their technical process is BORING. However, at a couple over the top emotional scenes I allowed myself to see what else I was capable of. Of course Gerry was right... he's always right. Ha! I know I can breathe into my backribs for support and a full voice with a full range. When I let the muscles totally relax and use my back ribs the emotional stakes are higher, taking my acting to a nerve racking place. It's horribly uncomfortable because I feel like I'm utterly out of control yet I still know my lines and blocking. Muscle memory is an actors best friend.

I was talking to "Mrs. Van Daan" - my friend Bethany about that "being out of control" feeling. It might feel awkward but it looks great to the audience. Hopefully something good happened. Drew wasn't at the show because he's slowly gaining his family life back after directing our family, so the cast won't get notes about the show tonight. Notes are what the director gives a cast after a rehearsal or show. He/She will say likes and dislikes, what needs to be worked on, suggestions, advice... etc etc.

Some good friends of mine came tonight. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

At the moment I'm sitting in my living room after a quiet evening of movies and a trip to Wegman's. Tomorrow morning is our last performance for high schoolers. This morning was awesome - they were so into it! I was really blown away... I was extremely doubtful that they'd have manners. Luckily I was wrong and had such a great time performing for them. I fed off of their energy... it was fantastic. Even during my one diary, standing alone on my diary post talking about getting my period and going through the strange hormonal craziness of puberty, I knifed right through it. In all honesty I completely accepted their uncomfortable laughter since I could tell they were listening. Best part of all this morning was when Peter and I had to kiss in the attic - all the students flipped and applauded us. What a riot! It was such a high... I almost laughed out loud!

The "talk backs" were wonderful as well. Students asked about the "period diary", learning lines, how Drew cast the show, the kissing scene - rather "the romantic scene"... I loved it. I could have stayed there all day to answer questions, talk about our process. God i'm psyched that I get to do it again in... 10 hours. I'll write more about it tomorrow... let me finish about the first week of the show.

So. Preview night we had a standing ovation, opening night we had a standing ovation... and well every show after that. And yes I'm mentioning that because IT'S AMAZING and because we are working hard to tell this story to the best of our ability, to engage our audience, have them learn something... so yes I believe we deserve it. It feels awesome. Then I want to hug everyone so i quick change out of my costume to run upstairs and meet friends/fam/profs. Let me say I've never seen so many people smile and cry at the same time. It hit me hard. It's the first time I've ever seen how deeply theatre can affect people, even those I've never met. The Diary of Anne Frank has brought out sides of people that i've never seen before. Everyone who either knows me or doesn't has let me and the cast know how much they've appreciated the show. The smiles I've seen! Smiles on faces wet from tears... it's mind blowing.

Speaking of mind blowing: next to having my whole family, + close friends, travel to see this performance... it's the best when my professors come to see it. I finally get to tell them a story, let them experience something new and then learn from it. For everything they've given to me, I feel good saying that my success is because I've had amazing teachers and mentors in my life.

Ha! And it's not all bubbles, candy and kittens... Yesterday was a crap day. I definitely hit rock bottom with a good ole stress attack, if you will. Pretty much the bottom fell out from underneath me after doing 12 shows, tech week, lack of sleep, piling on work, knowing damn well I did not do very well on an exam.... all this lead to a melt down. It only lasted about 2 hours. Thankfully I know wonderful, caring people at BSC who always pick me up when I'm down. I can't say enough about them. Now I'm happy and motivated.

Well, it's bed time for bonzo. Did you enjoy my novel?

I have to say that Kathleen is much more patient than I. There were moments (which I will not address specifically), design-wise that I would have "outlawed" things immediately and she was always willing to try a compromise befor edoing so. God Bless Her!

Other trials were things like the REAL RAIN! At times it was beautiful but too loud to hear the actors, but everything truly does work itself out and we always found beautiful solutions, bringing in and out, using sound instead...

We will have 12 consecutive shows in a row.

Starting tonight we cannot call for lines anymore... we get to suffer through the confusion, but I'm glad for that. It will raise the stakes since everyone will be on edge pursuing objectives like crazy. I will read over my script two more times to find where I most often leave out a line or say it wrong. We also have an audience tonight. It is crew view which means everyone who has been designing and building, or who will be running the lights/sound, or on props and costumes (dressers), will be able to see the show for the first time. This gives them an idea of what their work will be like, and what the performance looks like since they'll be behind the scense running the show.

I have to go finish a paper and run lines with myself.

I did manage to squeeze in some Halloween fun though... which was very important. Some friends and I ate candy and spooked each other out as we walked the perimeter of the psych centre. Always a good, creepy time.

Anne Frank will open in two weeks from this thursday - HOW CRAZY. I feel like we just started. We've all taken huge steps in rehearsal and now since we're all off book we can work on details - cause and affect. Establishing relationships between characters will be clearer and easier without having to carry around the script, searching for lines. I've found, especially since I've been studying improv, that listening on stage SAVES you. It sounds like a simple concept, but it's often difficult to stay focused when you're worried about forgetting your line or when something interesting is happening on stage. Also, our generation and culture is so distracting that listening is like a lost art to most. Last week I was frustrated since I couldn't seem to jump into the correct diary moment after a scene was over. My challenge was to figure out a way to make this transition organic where I could no longer contain myself and needed to "write." The sollution was, simply, listening. Sometimes I still get a little anxious right before I'm suppose to "write my diary" but then a word or phrase jumps out and hits me in either a radio broadcast or the last line said. The tactic is working, hoorah!

I believe we're going to have great audiences. People from the Buffalo community are excited about the show as well as parents/friends/profs etc. Also, we have a very large group of high school students coming the see morning shows on the 14th and 15th of november. I have to miss class - DARN!

I dont know if I should call myself an actor. I always feel odd when I do. Maybe it's the flamboyant, arrogant stereotype that always goes with it and I don't want to be viewed like that - ever. However I like to think of actors as public servants - because we are when you think about it. We experience the extremes of all emotions in front of an audience so they can vicariously live through us and see a whole other world. After a show it's always interesting to see how theatre may have affected your opinion on a certain subject. Also, mayeb what memories popped into your head where you might have felt the same in a similar situation. Theatre is a simplified concentration of life... in an hour and a half to two hours the audience will experience life, love, loss, pain, joy, passion, anger, hate - and at the end, there's a cathartic moment! Sit back, take it in, breathe...

So much more entertaining than watching TV.

You never meet a stranger in Buffalo when lake effect snow happens... people always offer help -- and beer.

Aside from our devastating snow storm, driving bands, and power outages... the weekend went well. In rehearsal on Sunday we did a stumble through of act one which made me realize that I am about 80% off book. It did go well however. I'm learning to share the diary's as though they had just come to me, rather than announcing them like I'm reading them right from the page. Since I do not have a scene partner in the diary moments it's tough when I don't see the person I've chosen to talk to ... In acting I and II it is important to fully understand the concept of "who am I, where am I, and what do I want?" so instead of reciting a monologue, objectives are being persued. It makes remembering lines easier because they just naturally come to you instead of fishing for lines... it's in you're body and out of your head. I have to be off book for Act II by the end of this week, so I guess i need to pay attentioned these techniques and make it work. Yesterday I had trouble falling into the diary entries and it's because I was not paying attention to my who i was talking to and the actions I wanted to play on that person.

I have two tests tomorrow. I've been staying on campus with friends to keep warm, living out of duffle bags and eating Kashi cereal, soy milk, bananas and oatmeal. EXCITING!!!!

"The 4th Wiseman" is the next show at Studio Arena and I got cast as a part of the ensemble. The ensemble is made up of all buff state students or recent graduates, originally there were 8 of us but 1 person dropped and the other didn't show. The cast is made up of 3 equity actors and what I guess is now 6 puppeteers, that's us.

For our first rehearsal we just went through the characters and got to see renderings of the puppets, who were all designed and being built by Michelle Costa, who I have to say is just wonderful. We then got to see and work with some of the puppets, that was actually the point of reheasal...

I have a lot of work to do. I'm very near to being off book for tomorrow's rehearsal, there's only a couple of monologues that are split up between me and another character that I have to go over. It's a tad difficult. So yay for being off book. At the moment i'm 'flat lining' because i'm irritable, swamped with a billion and one things I could be doing, and all I really wanna do is yell and pitch a huge fit. That won't do so here I am breathing heavily.

There's a gala at the Burchfield I'd like to work tomorrow, only I have a rehearsal to go to. All's well and i'm cool with that... I'll miss the crowd i usually hang with there though.

I have not seen my favorite bestest bud Abby in four hundred years.

This weekend is another field trip adventure (hopefully) with Heather. We're planning on heading to Doors Open Niagara. The US and Canadian landmarks (museums, galleries, bldgs, etc) are all open to the public as a festival this weekend. www.doorsopenniagara.com

Anyway today in rehearsal everything really came together. We are one week from preview and there was a concern about one scene getting the musicality of it. After trying several different means to one end, it just came alive. At one point Kathleen was welling up and I, who sat quite still and cross legged for most of the day, shot up and was breathless. I was so moved and finally we were allowed to use the word violent.

Like I mentioned in another entry Kathleen is kind of a "hands off" director. What I mean by that is she doesn't feed the actors instead lets them feed her and the show. "It's the difference when working with professionals," she said today...

The end of the last week was busy and this long weekend was dedicated to a little R and R. Thursday night I saw Stop Kiss which was enjoyable and we celebrated accordingly at the after party at Coles. After all of our opening nights we have a get together at Coles (a restaurant and bar) down on elmwood. Friday was tough to get through and I didnt even feel like I was at my classes...

THE LONG WEEKEND... I went apple picking with friends on Saturday and totally felt like I was on a field trip in 2nd grade. I picked around 5 dozen apples and gave some to M & D and some to the grandparents. Saturday evening I visited with a friend who I've known since high school. She was on a short break from her busy life at Cornell. Late that night we meandered around the psych center - always a good time even though you're followed around by the security guards because they think you're plotting to break in. Also, it can be dangerous... it's dark and dark... and well, dark. Sunday and Monday was full of sleep and rehearsal and a trip to Wegmans - the best grocery store on the planet.

Rehearsal and school: I'm behind in my reading. I'm attempting to catch up. Key word is attempting. Days are full, not gonna lie. I thought gettin off book was going to be more difficult than it is. We've completely blocked act one. Just going through the blocking and being physical and acting at the same time I am convinced that I'll be off book by this friday. Then we start blocking act II. Speaking of getting off book i've reminded myself of a Shakespeare monologue that needs to be memorized. Oops. Back to campus I go.

Oh, right - black licorice and Meatloaf's "Paradise by the dashboard light" are two of my favorite things... to explain the title...

We finished up working on ActII of "Three Days of Rain" today and by the time we did a run around 4:30 or so it was like a new play, the actors were really falling into their charecters. Some Truly breathetaking moments.

It seems like every show that I do (not to say it's just me) there is some auspiciousness surrounding the company and the work...

I'm assistant directing for Kathleen Gaffney at Sudio Arena, yes it's an internship, and we just finished our first week of rehearsals. I am there 4 days a week, because I still have to take some classes, but in professional theatre rehearsals are 6 days a week, 6 hours a day, and from what I gather, typically a 10-5 thing. I had no idea! I am used to doing shows that rehearse like 3 hours 4 NIGHTS a week.

The process...

Question: If you cannot stay awake, if coffee is not an option, then how do you go on reading? It's nearly impossible... and today is rainy, cool and dark which makes me want to hibernate. I feel like it's 7pm right now and it's nearly noon!

Tests tests tests. One A couple of B's... Not bad, considering I was probably not studying as much as I should have... or maybe as consistently. Sticking to studying in the library is the best bet for success in my case only I chose home with all the distractions. It's okay.

My room mates and I threw a massive party at our appartment satuday night. It was amazing! It was like a big family reunion because all of our good friends who've been out of town or traveling were around and got to hang out, catch up, and do some dancin'! The shindig lasted from about 9:30 till about 4:30 in the morning. We even had the entire place cleaned by 5am and I was in showered and in bed by 5:30. People helped pick up, we swept, mopped the floors and vaccumed. The dishes were done and the counters were wiped off... so when I woke up at 11 the next morning I had nothing to do but lounge about. Friends want more, and more will come... but after Anne Frank is over because I cant handle another party now.
Stop Kiss opens thursday night.

That's all. Ciao.

Well, our first rehearsal of Anne Frank was last night in the actor's studio in Upton Hall. We sat around and talked about our process, what was expected of us, introductions of who was playing what character, and then a read through. I'm thrilled to be acting with a good hand full of people who've i've never acted with before. The energy in the room was incredible... I watched and listened as everyone read their parts and saw how their own energy and personality was fitting to their character. Exploring our characters will be very personal... very close to home... it's us, with different names.

I'm sitting in our library... downstairs in the study quad. It's open for 24 hours...and yes I've definitely stayed up here all night and into the next day for a 36+ hour day. It sucks. Avoid it. Unless you go to breakfast in the morning with another exhausted friend.

Right now finishing up some research for Anne. It's not the most uplifting thing i've done lately... a lot of it is learning about the concentration camps, pain, torture... etc etc. However sometimes I come across quicktime videos of the oak tree she use to stare out at, and even the only video of her looking down on a newlywed couple from her window. The photographs that I found of Anne and her family are just mind blowing... Thinking about being young again, 12-14, reminds me of my best friend Cara. She's been my 'oldest bestest friend' since second grade. I called her tonight.

It's scary how much i'm enjoying acting. It had to grow on me. I'm not going to lie, at first I wasnt sold on it, but now it's so challenging and rewarding that I absolutely love it. The story telling is what I thrive on the most, second - the research. All of a sudden I'm flipping through really old photos of my me and my family when I was 4... my best school buds in school, stuffed animals, music, artwork, poetry... anything that brings me closer to Anne. I'm all over it.

I have two tests thursday and i've been studying... and studying. This is a break i'm taking from studying. I handed in some papers for studying abroad today and tomorrow I have to ask for one more recommendation and a review of my statement.

Tomorrow we have a holocaust survivor coming to visit and talk with us.